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The Tim Hawkins Podcast

Tim talks to his guests about life, comedy, and the nuances of llama ownership.
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The Tim Hawkins Podcast
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Nov 22, 2021

The gang is joined by comedian and good ol’ Tim pal, John Branyan! A masterclass ensues on the art of stand up and everyone tries out material, new and old, that you won’t want to miss. Resolved in this episode: God decides who’s funny and who’s not and the government can get over your fence if they so desire...probably. Luke speaks blasphemy of cotton candy and Livy counts down from ten. 

Big thanks to our sponsors!

Mack Weldon: For 20% off your first order, visit Mack Weldon.com/HAWKINS and enter promo code HAWKINS

Skylight Frames: For $10 off your purchase of a Skylight Frame, go to skylightframe.com and enter code TIM

Public Goods: Go to publicgoods.com/HAWKINS or use code HAWKINS to receive $15 off your first order

Nov 15, 2021

Tim cracks himself up and makes a list of lists. Luke officiates a wedding and could perhaps do yours as well. Livy ruins grilled cheese for everyone, forever. The gang laments multi-level marketing schemes and the perils of falling for one. 

Thanks to ShipStation for sponsoring this episode! Go to shipstation.com, click on the microphone at the top, and enter code HAWKINS to get a 60 day free trial. 

 

Nov 8, 2021

Tim puts his whole life on the line on a mug. Luke turns out to be one of those anti-stop sign people. The gang decides that Hitler was bad. Livy and Tim sing a very special song about everyone’s favorite leafy bowl food. Jackson rants about the cheater-cheater pumpkin eaters. Plus, a special call in from Mr. Pope, who simply won’t hang up the phone! 

Thank you to our sponsors for this episode: 

Public Goods: Go to www.publicgoods.com/HAWKINS or use code HAWKINS at checkout to receive $15 off your first order with no minimum purchase!

StoryWorth: Go to www.StoryWorth.com/HAWKINS and save $10 on your first purchase!

Raycon: Visit www.buyraycon.com/HAWKINS to unlock exclusive deals up to 20% off your Raycon order!

Uncommon Goods: To get 15% off you next gift, go to www.uncommongoods.com/HAWKINS 

 

 

Nov 1, 2021

Tim speaks with a strung out pilot who had a few too many vaccines. Turns out that Heather is the founder (of using) Ebay. Luke gives Tim the “no cap” deal on drip and ice, which goes great. Livy demands mashed potatoes and shares her latest impression of everyone’s favorite Founding Father! Baby Holland plays us out and is simply adorable. 

Big thanks to Mack Weldon for sponsoring this episode! For 20% off your first order, visit mackweldon.com/HAWKINS and enter promo code HAWKINS. 

Oct 25, 2021

A dire call in from an ex-believer who had one too many fiber-one bars. Livy burps. Luke is open about his emotions and scavenges for everything in the Hawkins household (except banana laffy taffy). A theological debate ensues, culminating in Heather’s pronouncement of the best chick-fil-a sauce. Crappaw calls in to tell the gang he loves them and that he still has awful bowels!

Thanks to FaithfulCounseling for sponsoring this episode. Go to https://faithfulcounseling.com/timhawkins for 10% off of your first month of counseling!
Oct 18, 2021

Back from popular demand, more epic vocal guitar from Livy you won’t want to miss! Tim describes his perfect mansion in heaven and laments the danger of caring about everything. Luke tries to predict the future of transportation and shares that his secret scammer is not yet gone. Plus, a very exciting family announcement from Tim’s oldest son, Spencer! Oh, and quick sand is fake, FYI.  

A big thanks to our sponsors!

Butcherbox: Now offering new members a 10–16 pound turkey FREE in their first box. Just go to ButcherBox.com/TIMHAWKINS to sign up.

Shipstation: Listeners can use my offer code, HAWKINS, to get a 60-day free trial, just in time for the holidays! Just go to ShipStation.com, click on the microphone at the top, and enter in HAWKINS.

 

 

Oct 11, 2021
Tim ponders the meaning of song lyrics and steps in shaving cream. Livvy gossips to God and Luke explains how to cheat on your taxes. The whole gang has a heartfelt talk about armadillos and then tries to leave the zoom meeting but fails together. Plus, the great Jordan Peterson returns to give us his special Peter Pan Peanut Butter & Steak recipe!
 
 
Big thanks to Uncommon Goods for sponsoring this episode! To get 15% off your next gift, go to uncommongoods.com/HAWKINS. Don’t miss out on this limited time offer! 
Oct 4, 2021

Tim raves about his favorite microchip that determines the fate of this very podcast. Livvy accidentally tortures a man whilst trying to fix his hiccups. The gang has a good laugh about fake laughs and reviews sneezing safety. Fake Mother Teresa calls in and professes her Hodunk-ship. Plus, Luke turns up the heat at senior center volleyball! 

Thanks to FaithfulCounseling for sponsoring this episode. Go to https://faithfulcounseling.com/timhawkins for 10% off of your first month of counseling.

Sep 27, 2021
One episode to rule them all! In this jam packed THP, friend of the gang Bridget Van Means with Thrive St. Louis Women's Healthcare (thrivestlouis.org) joins the show to talk all things from marketing to kangaroos, we hear from prolific singer-songwriter, Randy Stonehill, and, another call-in from the Hawkin’s dear friend, Dr. Fauci, who gives us the new and improved 7 step vaccine process (find the nearest small cliff next to your home for the last one). Plus, another edition of Jackson Rants that you won’t want to miss, in which he sets the record straight on a certain “mythical” creature. 

Thanks to FaithfulCounseling for sponsoring this episode. Go to https://faithfulcounseling.com/timhawkins for 10% off of your first month of counseling.

 

Sep 20, 2021

Tim introduces the Department of KOC - Karens on Call. Luke deals with an e-commerce menace and Tim tries out some new material before the gang kicks the faucet off (you had to be there). Livvy performs a soul-altering guitar solo without a guitar and yet another family is ripped apart by debates over the 2009 classic, Avatar. Plus, a sincere nod of remembrance and gratitude to comedy icon, Norm MacDonald. Thank God for Norm!

Thanks to ShipStation for sponsoring this episode. Listeners can use my offer code, HAWKINS, to get a 60-day free trial, just in time for the holidays! Just go to ShipStation.com, click on the microphone at the top, and enter in HAWKINS.

Sep 13, 2021

Step aside Luke and Livy, Spencer (the elder Hawkins child) and his wife, Keegan, take main stage this week! A trip down memory lane filled with Schoolhouse Rock and questionable child hip hop. Keegan proves her first grade teacher wrong and the gang cooks up a grueling new-parent crash course. 

Thanks to ButcherBox for sponsoring this episode. Sign up at ButcherBox.com/timhawkins and get 2 lbs of ground beef free in every order for the life of your membership!

Aug 30, 2021

Tim’s oldest son, Spencer, joins the gang this week! (He was a little nervous but did great) Everyone takes a deep breath, courtesy of Wim Hoff, and Tim admits to his pro-am air guitar days. Livy eats a whole sleeve of cookies and Luke’s words fall upon deaf friend ears.

Thanks to FaithfulCounseling for sponsoring this episode. Go to https://faithfulcounseling.com/timhawkins for 10% off of your first month of counseling.

Aug 23, 2021
The gang is joined by friend and prolific songwriter/playwright, Chelsea Perry, who (just to brag) has now written 16 musicals! They chat about taking care of yourself during creative endeavors and the mystery of the proverbial dangling carrot. Tim says no to Broadway and yes to cameo. Emotional music ensues. Livvy cries the show out. The end. 

Thanks to FaithfulCounseling for sponsoring this episode. Go to https://faithfulcounseling.com/timhawkins for 10% off of your first month of counseling.

Aug 16, 2021

A chronicle of terrible waitresses and a near hypothermic experience in...Florida? The gang decides youtube is the greatest teacher and Tim admits his excessive empathy for inanimate M&M objects. Luke steals Livy’s charger, but all in good fun, and the young couple finally graduates from spoken word to full blown rap!

Thanks to FaithfulCounseling for sponsoring this episode. Go to https://faithfulcounseling.com/timhawkins for 10% off of your first month of counseling.

Aug 9, 2021

Pastor David Crank joins the gang this week for a quick chat about his authentic approach to preaching, the mental effects of the Covid lockdowns, and most importantly, his go-to karaoke song! Livy shares the story of her pet sitting animal murderer friend, and Tim asks David for some financial advice (buy the Empire State Building). 

Thanks to FaithfulCounseling for sponsoring this episode. Go to https://faithfulcounseling.com/timhawkins for 10% off of your first month of counseling.

Aug 2, 2021

Tim shares a traumatic car trip explosion from his childhood involving a snack sack. The gang decides if you have a garage fridge with ONLY drinks, you're rich, and they desperately try to crack post-holiday depression. Livy joins Captain Bezos in space. Also, did anybody order any zerubbabel bulbs? 

Thanks to FaithfulCounseling for sponsoring this episode. Go to https://faithfulcounseling.com/timhawkins for 10% off of your first month of counseling.
Jul 26, 2021

A painful compilation of worship fails that might not make God proud. A new potential Hawkins gang country album? Unless Livvy and Luke steal the show with a non-conforming husband & wife duet. Please pay Tim for a cameo, but don’t worry, he is still pure! Plus, a mysterious case of a missing wedding band (no, not a cover band). 

Thanks to FaithfulCounseling for sponsoring this episode. Go to https://faithfulcounseling.com/timhawkins for 10% off of your first month of counseling.

Jul 19, 2021

This week, the long awaited return of Jackson Rants! The gang gives their take on college sports and marvels at Luke’s budding fan base. Oh, and Tim gets a visit from the mafia (please don’t ever ask him about his business). 

Thanks to FaithfulCounseling for sponsoring this episode. Go to https://faithfulcounseling.com/timhawkins for 10% off of your first month of counseling.

Jul 12, 2021

This week, Tim and the gang chat about what they would each do in a purge, which horror movies were simply too much to handle, and they ask the dire question...who pooped in this room? They take a stab at making the term “nursing home” sound less depressing and Luke basks in his poll-approved victory of last week’s superhero debate. 

Thanks to FaithfulCounseling for sponsoring this episode. Go to https://faithfulcounseling.com/timhawkins for 10% off of your first month of counseling.

Jul 5, 2021

This week, Tim and the gang are joined by prolific radio host, political commentator, and friend, Stacy Washington, as they discuss hot-button issues like social media censorship, the wonders of British accents, and their favorite phone apps. Plus, Stacy explains why some Tik Tok babies just can’t make the cut for her! (Spoiler: they get bigger)

Thanks to FaithfulCounseling for sponsoring this episode. Go to https://faithfulcounseling.com/timhawkins for 10% off of your first month of counseling. 

Jun 28, 2021
This week, Tim and the gang talk about the recent exploding number of milk genres, the joys of waking up at 3:30 AM for family road trips, and they have a big ol’ chuckle at some of the internet’s greatest national anthem fails. Plus, another round of Luke-Warm Debates, this time centered around the questionable status of a certain x-man, man. 
 
Thanks to FaithfulCounseling for sponsoring this episode. Go to https://faithfulcounseling.com/timhawkins for 10% off of your first month of counseling. 
Jun 21, 2021

This week, Tim and the gang address Tim’s new haircare routine, celebrity look-alikes, the many victims of alopecia, and Livy does a nearly flawless impression of a certain former governor of California. More listener questions and the return of Jackson Rants! This time, nobody with the last name Paul is safe (but...two brothers in particular).

Thanks to FaithfulCounseling for sponsoring this episode. Go to https://faithfulcounseling.com/timhawkins for 10% off of your first month of counseling.

Jun 14, 2021

This week, Tim and the gang take on the “birds aren’t real” phenomenon, discuss the science of fruits versus vegetables, and share stories of unusual roadkill. Luke explains the unexpected origin story of pirates, and why they might not all just be the swashbuckling villains we see on the big screen! And finally, the gang sobers up for a more serious discussion about career and financial struggles, with Tim sharing his thoughts on how “making it” in comedy has drastically changed in the course of his life. 

Jun 7, 2021

This week, Tim and the gang rave about their new favorite Icelandic band, listen to Eurovision and explain how it could be the trick to getting you out of a Spotify rut, and Tim’s 15 year old son, Jackson, makes his first ever appearance on the show to deliver an epic footwear rant. The heavy-hitting listener questions are finally answered, Livy’s slam poetry career continues (this time with a bongo beat), and, a special guest call-in from the one and only Crappaw! 

May 31, 2021

This week, Tim and the gang chat about things the old folks say, why humans feel compelled to speak to dogs/babies so much, and the current state of Tik Tok and why it's such a huge, fun, confusing mess. They listen to some questionable slam poetry, and Livvy and Luke are brave enough to share some of their own! Guest call-in from Tim’s old friend and Swedish hard rocker, Ulf Nerfgun, who talks life on the road (literally) and the exclusive Scandinavian love languages.

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